why are some people so hard up for power and recognition? some are so desperate that they are willing to suck up to others just to get it. i pity these people.. they are the kind who go to people, unlike these who are really cool, and people go to them instead. is it really that nice to be 'up there'? it seems like you'll just get a nice title, along with the workload and responsibilities. no offense to those who are leaders.. i mean, if you have the passion and what it takes to make it, go for it! but if you're doing it for your own pathetic selfish ambitions or goodness-knows-what-you-have-in-mind.. then you really ought to be ashamed of yourself!!

apologises for anyone who's reading this.. i'm not in the best of moods today. just so you know.. i had hockey training today. i'm not in a foul mood.. but i just don't feel too happy.

.............. i'm comtemplating whether or not to write what i'm about to write into this entry.
..................................................................................... alright, i think i shall.

i'm upset at the girls hockey team. recently, certain stuff has been going on and it's causing some sort of politics within the team. the committee people are starting to form their clique.. and it's beginning to get on everyones' nerves. well, not that they weren't already the best of friends since the committee was formed.. just that now, it's getting annoying because they are stuck together ALL THE TIME!! they are forever in their own world.. leaving the rest out of everything. the team is super big can.. for crying out loud, call yourselves committee members. i sincerely think they failed miserably! the team is falling apart.. not on the surface, it ain't that serious yet.. but many individuals has been complaining about the "famous five".

here's a short introduction on them..
1) captain
2) vice-captain
3) team manager
4) quarter mistress
5) treasurer
note : no names will be mentioned.. it just doesn't seem right if i did.

anyway.. what really pisses me is that they don't even try to work things out with the team even though it's super duper obvious that their clique is getting kind of.. too clique-ish. during the first training after promos.. we had a little meeting. some ideas were being suggested.. stuff like 'what do you think if we formed study groups? is it a good idea? we really want you guys to do well...' what crap?! ok.. maybe they did mean well. but they actually have the cheek to even suggest 'forming study groups'.. when they already had their little "hockey-committee people-study group" even before promos. how dumb lah.. do they think we're blind. like who won't notice a group of hockey people staying back almost every week night in the classroom at the back of school.. i mean, if you see who's in the class.. you'll agree too. well, maybe not everyone is in committee.. but that's only for they guys. as for the girls.. it's always, i repeat, always.. 100% of the time, just the 5 of them. so much about that, then they also discussed about having chalet during the holidays.. how cool right? it's so the members can get to know each other better. but last week.. the 5 of them stayed over at one of their house's. they came for trainings together and left together. ok.. i know i'm sounding rather unreasonable now.. but if you were there to see it for yourself, it really is quite irksome. i mean, couldn't they be more sensitive? just take today's training for example.. only the 5 of them, ain, ida and i turned up. during one of our breaks.. they were already talking about where to go for dinner.. in front of the 3 of us, and they obviously didn't have the slightest intention of asking us along. seriously lah.. how thick can one be? we just sat there silently.. duh!

there's a certain someone of the "famous five" who i can't stand.. refer to (4.). suling and co will know. it's as though she has something against me.. for wanting to steal her best friend (1.) or something. here's abit of history.. (1.) is my classmate. and because of that, (4.) seems to think i'm close to her or something. feeling threatened(i suppose), she becomes slightly unfriendly after a while. eg, (1.) and i are sitting at the same table during break on a normal school day. she walks past our table, acknowledging the presence of (1.) but completely ignoring me. i'm nearer to (4.) by the way.. bullshit right? sigh... what a twit! she should have gotten her info right first before turning into such a creep. now i classify her as my enemy. there there, i'm not going to make a voodoo doll and start cursing her.. i haven't got the time. God says 'love your enemies'.. so i just leave it to God. she annoys me, that's all.. i don't hate her. she had some problem with her ankle during the last training.. i was even kind enough to ask her how is it.. and i was sincere ok!

urrgghhhh! i'm really starting to wonder should i just play for recreation.. just can't imagine having to play for a team with such members. the thing is.. i really like the game, and i want to play for pj next year. hopefully, if i train hard enough, i'll be able to make it to the team. now i'm slacking abit because of all that's happening. it's draining away all my enthusiasm. trainings are every monday, wednesday and friday.. sometimes i feel suling's right, i ought to just quit hockey.. it's taking up so much of my precious time. but how will i ever get to be in touch with this game again.. sigh... that's why i'm in a dilemma. Holy Spirit tell me what to do...... this sucks, totally!