it's been quite a week. highlight of the week.. we lost to acjc 1-0. sighh! suling and mich came to watch this match.. (thanks girls.. your being there was tremendous for me). anyway, i was in for the 1st half.. but i felt i played as badly as the SA game. beginning of 2nd half.. ms ho made me sit out, so i thought i wasn't playing for the rest of the match.. thus i sort of just gave up, as in all the mental preparation i did before and the things ms ho mentioned during half time.. i totally wiped it off my mind. but after 10mins, she told me to get ready... i was like, " CRAP!" seriously, i wasn't in the mood to play.. i was almost going to breakdown lah. but no choice.. gave the remaining game my best shot. ac scored near the middle of the 2nd half.. and because of that, i think most of us were rather affected and performance dipped. after the final whistle, i feel so terrible inside. can't really explain it but it was a super uncomfortable feeling. the word to describe it is probably 'overwhlming'. when suling and mich came forward, i just started crying. it was really unbearable during that moment. in the end, ms ho didn't do much evaluation.. she just gave us time alone because most of the team were crying, mostly the main 11. this match was super important.. especially after losing SA. losing this game is a almost 95% comfirmation that we're not going to the semi-finals. think it was quite a blow to our ego too... because we so badly wanted to win AC! =(

right now, i just feel like quitting the team.. but there's this thing about me not being able to let go. sigh. i mean, this can't just be the end of it right? i still want to play hockey.. if possible, train with SCR players. gosh.. that'll be uber cool. obviously i'm not that good.. but i definitely want to improve my skills. the thought that hockey will be missing from my life is actually quite saddening.. and even i'm surprised to say it. well, i've not regretted buying my hockey stick.. even if i'll never play with it again after this season. perhaps it'll just be a bitter-sweet memory.